Today Tommorow

I have to be at work in the morning. I dread it. I can do LOT better than I am doing right now. I just need to clear my head and get it all together.

Time Not Enough

Trying times these are. Trying to do something big this year. Lots of creativity to express. it's getting hard for me concentrate and focus on something right now. Do not know why that is but I have been of a "devil may care" attitude lately. What I do need to focus on is how I can get some money. I've put on a considerable amount of weight in the last few years. My left ankle is in immense pain. MRI said it was a cyst on the top and tendinitis etc etc.We got the clothing line to work on, the Internet thing to develop, the music, to tell the truth it has taken its toll on me. If I had some money to show for it it would be better. That is why winning is important. I hate to lose.

Passion

Passion. Who can have it? The young? The ambitious? The inspired? I had it and I lost it. Somewhere along the way I lost it. If there were a time and a place to pinpoint the exact time and hour it left I could probably do that. I can blame the world a thousand times for a thousand different things that have harmed me. I am not dead yet, so that means I can still do something good with my life. I had always fantasized about leaving town and becoming a rebel poet slash rockstar. I am about to be twenty seven years old. So I guess its safe to say that It did not happen. I even wanted to be a writer at one time. A published one who wrote books and articles not self aggrandizing flurries in blog entries. That has not happened yet. Now as I approach my thirties, I would be content to start a family and settle down with the right girl. It seems to me however that every time I think I fall in love I seem to fall on my face. So, passion? It seems to have been negatively conditioned toward me. there will need to be some sort of revival. And there will need to be some sort of hunger. Where does hunger come from? If I could create that, then I could create passion, and if I can create passion then I can create greatness. What I do desire however is rest. And it seems that I can do that quite easily. There is something else I desire, or someone, and I am woe to pursue that . Passion can be a poisonous thing.

The Remnants

All I have left are the memories. After all this time, I am still captive by them. Haunting secret it is. Cannot be spoken or thought of, a time sped through and catapulted from with deliberate force. The prison must be destroyed. The walls broken down. It is as if I were a shell the way that I am right now. Holding to hope and building on dreams. The thought often occurs that I am dead. But I still have to wake up and go to work in the morning.